S ome things in life are inevitable: death, taxes, and Disney remaking their animated studio classics into live-action films. It’s no surprise why the studio has been so willing to remake so many of its originals: money talks.

Disney's latest live-action adaptation crash-landed in theatres Friday. While it's far from the worst such film, its aggressive blandness is only underscored by a clunky storyline and unending amount of controversy.