We tried the pacifier. Baby spit it out, threw shade, and kept crying. So… what now? Here’s your next-level baby calming playbook (no fluffy advice, just real-deal tactics that actually help): --- 1. The CEO Hold Hold baby upright, facing OUT. No eye contact, just a full-house tour like: “This is the fridge. It used to hold things I ate in peace.” 2. No Eye Contact Mode Overstimulated babies = chaos. Dim the lights, rock gently, no talking. Silent treatment, but make it love. 3. The Gas Exorcist
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